If it had not been drilled into my brain since the day I was born that I would go to hell if I committed suicide I would have been dead a long time ago.
Funny thing is I don't even know if I believe in hell. But I still have that undeniable fear of the what if. So I sit here and continue to live my sad excuse of a life even though the only 'people' on this planet that would miss me would be my two cats. My family only sees me as the person that cooks and cleans for them.
I have 0 friends (not an exaggeration I don't even have a single acquaintance), I'm a 32 year old closeted lesbian virgin, I live at home due to this motherfucking social phobia that keeps me locked in my mothers house, my job is a joke, I have a college degree that is just wasting away. I was the person in school that everyone was like "She's going to do something with her life", "She's going to be someone", "She's so smart I can't wait to see what happens when she gets out of here"… Wrong. Why the fuck am I even here? Why the fuck was I born?
I am a worthless lonely piece of shit.