I'm so sick and tired of living. I'm so tired of living in depression and cutting every now and then. I'm so tired of being used and misunderstood and I'm so tired of being so lonely and having no one. I hate being so alone. No one really cares and it shows and it fucking hurts. It really hurts to know no one cares. My grandmother died this December that just passed and I still son believe she's gone. I haven't visited her and I wish I could go right now but cemeteries aren't open at 1 in the morning. I need to talk to her because she's the only one that can know how fucked up I am. She's the only one that can know I can end my life at any moment. I've been trying to go to therapy again but it fucking sucks and doesn't help and I have a job interview tomorrow and I have all this school work and I'm failing almost all of my classes and I can't seem to get anything right. It fucking sucks. I think about ending my life everyday and I'm only a few feet away from the pills or the blade and something's holding me back from picking them up. I hate it. I wish my family didn't care for me so I can kill myself in peace without having people hurt. Theyre the only ones that care but it's never enough. I'm so mentally fucked.