(This is gonna be everywhere)I hate being black. Why did I have to be born into the race that commits the most crime in the U.S. It frustrates me that we put so much attention on race. People like to say that there is no intelligence difference with race but how can we know that if its a social taboo to study it. There was a study done, an iq test, and in that study out of all the races blacks scored the lowest. Data isn’t racist. What makes me angrier is the victim complex and the blatant racism of a lot of blacks that people dismiss. People like to think that blacks are oppressed which just isn’t true. When I hear people talking about how they are a bit prejudice towards blacks it just makes me feel sub-human. It’s because it makes sense for them to be. Why would you ignore the pattern of us being more violent, commiting more crime or being less intelligent. I’m just an evidence based person and the evidence we have just cant be ignored. ( These are not regular thoughts but something just brought it all up) Ive recently gotten accepted to a nice college but Ive been doing horribly this year. I’m afraid they’ll take it back. Mind you I absolutely hate making excuses so this is just an explanation. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for some time now and in the summer it reached its peak. Ive attempted suicide twice and would have tried many times more if I had more time alone in the house. I’m just going to get this out now. If I lose this acceptance, I am going to be sure I die this time. I can not live with myself if I mess this up. I’m trying to get everything back together but every depressive episode just sets me back. It’s like I’m in a downward spiral most of the time and the rest I spend trying to fixed everything I fucked up. And honestly If I had a gun rn I would just end it here. I guess I’ll see how this turns out.