When you rant, does it have to make sense?
Okay, so first of all I feel kind of selfish doing this…Ranting about my problems… not that anyone will listen or anything like that. but sometimes its hard, and I just need somebody or something to talk too. regardless, It feels bad. like I don't have the right to be unhappy because someone will always have it worse.
If only I could say those words and believe them and then be okay. but that's not how it works. instead, I'm just an empty shell looking for anything to compleat me, to make me feel accomplished, wanted, alive.
The other night I was talking to my boyfriend and two of my best friend. They were both having a tough night, and I was helping them through it. Both are suicidal.
And then there is me.
I'm not suicidal. But sometimes I wish to God I could stop being a mess.
A mentor of mine, a cop.
the day before he promised to drive me to our weekly meeting. We canceled the meeting, and two days later, I saw him lying there. quite still. No hearty laughs, or reassuring chuckles. He was so happy.
I made them promise to me that they wouldn't do it. That they wouldn't "pull the plug" early. sometimes they would say yes. other times they would ask, "who would care?" Possibly the person looking into your eyes scared to death that you will take your life. who cares? your family? friends? even you do to an extent.
Hey, thanks to reading my nonsense dude! I apreciate it, sorry, I know it makes no sense…