I made a mistake. 4.5 years ago i met this guy at my new job and we fell in love and have been together ever since. things went fast. Really fast. I ended up pregnant 8 months into the relationship. i dont know what i was thinking having a baby by someone i barely knew. i dont regret my daughter i wouldnt change the fact that i had her when i did but sometimes i wish i would have had her with someone else or perhaps just waited longer to get to know this guy… By the time i found out i was pregnant he was working another job and making more money so i didnt worry. well.. 2 months into the pregnancy he lost his job. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and said " well he will find something..after all we have 7 months to prepare for the baby ( & I had a great job at the time). Well. 7 months came and the baby was here and he still did not find a job. we were young and stupid and his mother pretty much covered all of the babies expenses because she simply wanted to * GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN*. i felt bad asking for things so i begged him to look for a job. ANY JOB.well he didnt. the baby was now 5 months old and he still did not find a job until i took it upon MYSELF to make resumes for BOTH of us. i found myself a temporary job and i found him a job where he would be making even more money than what he was making before. Great..right? NO. he managed to fuck that up in 6 months. lost his job. always late always something going wrong. well at that time my temporary job had been ended to so I went out and found myself yet another job and he had also found yet another job…great..right?. NO. manage to some how mess that up in a matter of months AGAIN. I ended up getting fired because i had to ask for days off constantly because at the time our daughter was seeing a neurologist and an eye specialist back to back. about 4 appointments a months ( every thing is now fine, thank heavens). well i havent worked since and he was working odd jobs here and there until october of last year when..AGAIN.. * CLEARS THROAT* ….I FOUND HIM A JOB!. . a job where he'd be making even MORE money.. he still till this day is working that job and thats great. Right now we dont live together and things are really rocky between us not only bc of money but bc this man simply has no emotional bone in his body. he doesnt seem to care about anything, not even himself..hes nonchalant about EVERYTHING & i hate it. he wasnt like this before. A couple months ago i caught him downloading some dating apps and he still till this day denies it.but its on his phone so i dont get how he is denying it. he deleted the apps so he thinks the problems are going to go away. NO thats not how things work. he seems to think like this about everything in life. I have never heard this man apologize EVER. just straight DENY DENY DENY!. i dont get any love or affection from him yet he expects me to be some kind of sex robot and enjoy sex with him.. 4.5 years into the relationship and im pretty sure that im done. He has never done much for me or my daughter only if i ask him. He has NEVER EVER in our daughters life said " do you need money for diapers" " does *** need new clothes" I have to ask him and ask him multiple times… the point of this is not about money but its about the fact that i have come to realize that i have put SO much time & effort into our relationship and what was suppose to be OUR future as a FAMILY that i forgot to take care of myself. HE forgot to take care of me. while i was taking care of our daughter and trying to get us right for our future like making sure he had a good job, making sure he had good credit, making sure he was paying his bills on time, making sure he was happy, making sure that our daughter and him had a good relationship etc . i simply was not thinking about myself. No one was. I dont have anything right now that i can call mines. i dont have anything that i can say i worked hard for except this rocky relationship. He has always been deceptive and lied and cheated and lied some more. From here on out i vow to take care of MYSELF & my daughter & family around me ( basically just not him). IM DONE. how much more can someone take from someone who isnt willing to even meet you half way.. there is so much more that is wrong with this picture but i'f i sat here and wrote everything i'd be here for hours. AGAIN.. from today on out i Vow to take care of myself and my daughter and build us a future for just the two of us.if he wants to be around. great. of he doesnt. great as well. im going back to school to finish college and ill be done by the end of the year and i pray that after this things will be so much better.