• -A

    Hi…Also an overwhelmed senior. But they told me it was hell, so I should have expected it more I guess. I feel the same as you more or less and kind of found this site the same way. Never got a job or joined a varsity team, but got pretty good grades and stuff until my sister tried to kill herself and I kind of started to think nothing mattered and that my priorities were out of whack. My dogs and cats didn’t die, but we had to give away our six dogs and our two cats were just left to wander when the neighbors couldn’t take them, which is so much worse. Our landlords are evil and hate animals or something. But you know what. I would take it all back if I could. All of the late nights staying up crying, or wasting time reading manga, or doing other time consuming things to take my mind off the numbness. I would take back the afternoons spent sleeping that went into the night spent sleeping. I would take back the grades I let slip, and the relationships I let fade away until their was nothing but niceties with no real connections. I would take back the days I didn’t, the days I don’t talk to anyone because all I wanted and want to do was and is sleep so I wouldn’t be crying. I would take back all of the moments that meant nothing to me. All of the days, the months, that I would sit in the dark until I realized that hours had passes and thought no one cared enough to check on me. I would take back the thoughts that made me feel like less than what I was and more of what I wasn’t. I tried to reach out to someone, anyone. They all told me to take a break. To stop working so hard. So I listened. I stopped doing my homework and the only thing I could do without feeling guilty, was sleep. So, I slept more, I felt more anxious, I cried more. So, I won’t just say, “Take a break”, or “It’s okay, you’ve done enough”, because this is the moment you will think back on. This is the moment you will look at and think about. And you will either regret it, or you will persevere. So try to bloom in adversity and channel your sadness into something worth it.

    I hope this was inspiring and not too preachy. -A.

    • saraspirit99

      You said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you