I'm a sophomore and I guess you can say compared to the rest of my class, I can be considered a "wild child"… I am in full honors classes so how i even find time to party is beyond me as well as others. I started heavily drinking in the eighth grade and my issue only escalated from there. I got suspended the first semester of my sophomore year for being intoxicated on campus just a month after I was in the hospital for overdosing on Xanax. I cleaned up my act and decided to straighten my life out until recently. The last weekend of spring break I went to a party. At this party I hooked up (nooot sex) with this mutual friend I did not even knowwww… Despite all the drugs and drinking and parties, I never have done anything with any guy.. like ever. I tend to respect myself in that category because of the fact that I have a past with non-consensual events that occurred at an early age. I can't help but feel like complete an utter shit about this happening because it is so unlike me. I guess I was drunk and not in my right mind, but I still would not have gone through with it. Whenever anything happens remotely "romantic" with a guy it takes me back to a dark place of when the non-consensual events occurred which is the main reason I don't "fool around" with guys. I have not been myself for about a week. I can't talk to my mom because parties are a no after my previous adventures that ended up with me in serious trouble so my "attitude" at home is completely regarded as my being disrespectful when that is NOT my intention whatsoever… I don't know what to do but i just keep stressing myself out. I act like it is okay with friends because "hoe life or no life" but I am not okay… What do I do?