• EC

    Hey, I feel you. I’m in recovery for an eating disorder right now and it sucks. I feel like everything around me is falling apart and I just want to go back to “normal”. My therapist says that my “normal” made me miserable, and I guess she’s right. I wasn’t happy before, and I’m not happy now, but maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and we just don’t see it yet.

    I recommend a few things:
    Log everything you eat, and make sure you’re eating an appropriate amount. I’ve done it all: 4000 calorie binges and 300 daily calorie restrictions. It all makes everything worse. If you want to lose weight, don’t diet. Dieting will either make you go back to your eating disorder or gain weight in the long term. Probably both. Eat a normal amount, and over time you will see a gradual decrease, but only weigh yourself once a week. My therapist doesn’t let me count calories, and I had to throw out all four of my scales. All I do is make sure I eat X amount of nutrients a day. I have to gain some weight (not too much because I restricted and binged, not just restricting) so I’m eating around 2200 calories a day, but I think you should just stick to 2000. I’m not a nutritionist, but I recommend you consult one if you can afford it.

    The way you’re eating reflects your life. My GPA was a 4.2 in freshmen year when my eating disorder was at its worst. I never did anything other than school work and my eight different clubs and activities. I ate 400 calories a day on week days, and usually around 4000 on weekends in uncontrollable bingeing. Now, my GPA has gone to a 4.0 (weighted), but I spend time with friends and watch movies. Yes, I still look in the mirror and hate myself. Yes sometimes I throw up my food, but it’s been getting better every week. You used to be stressed all the time, which led to an unhealthy relationship with food. Now, you have an unhealthy relationship with food in the opposite direction, which also leads to self hatred. Calm down, and understand that this situation is in your control. As soon as you normalize your eating, everything will get better. Then, start focusing on work you have to do, but make sure you spend time relax. Don’t fall into the obsessive eating disorder trap. Relax, and everything will get better.

    Good luck. This isn’t going to be easy, but I’ve heard that once you find the light on the other side of the tunnel, it’s hard to lose.